[2/15] morning after

[thisfaceismine]

Though hardly a stranger to hangovers, this one it seems, is particularly heinous.

There's a ringing at his door, the sound piercing through the fog in his brain as he buries a groan into his pillow. His entire body aches, his muscles heavy and he closes his eyes tight against the bad dreams that have apparently decided to pervade his conscious thoughts.

"Fuck off," he grumbles when the bell sounds again, followed quickly by a firm, but polite knock.

Groaning loudly then, Freddie shoves his covers off his shoulders and swings his legs to the floor, frowning against the immediately intense pounding in his head. "I said fuck off," he growls though he's already padding his way through his flat, clad in the same pair of briefs and dress shirt from the night before. He'd gotten as far as unbuttoning, it seems, before he'd given up.

He doesn't bother checking the eyelet to see who's bothering him so early and his lips twist into a confused frown when he finds Noah on the other side, beaming up at him.

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[thisfaceismine]

Noah's touch is hypnotizing and Freddie lets out a low breath as he closes his eyes, lips twitching into a bare smile when Noah jokes. There's a quieter afterward, a lull before Noah speaks again, his voice lower. Quieter.

It's easier to listen to with his eyes closed, Freddie things. Helps his head a bit. And helps the words come to his lips without having to see Noah's face when he speaks them.

"Why not?" he asks, brushing his thumb along the edge of Noah's kneecap. "Not into casual sex?"

[iwasmore]

Noah's fingers play idly over Freddie's chest, his other hand gentling on his head some, distracted by both Freddie's question and his touch.

"No," he says honestly after a moment's thought. It's not like he's tried it, not the way Freddie does, so maybe he can't say for sure, but it's hard to imagine himself sleeping with a stranger. "I don't think so. Closest I ever did was with you, but..." He pauses, blushes a little, glad Freddie can't see. "It didn't feel casual."

[thisfaceismine]

Noah's fingers brush across Freddie's bare chest and, even if it's not really sexual, it's still spreading warmth all through him. A different sort of warmth maybe, but Freddie brings his knees up a little, laying half in a fetal position even as he keeps his eyes closed.

He doesn't want to read too much into Noah's reply though he can still remember bits and pieces of last night, Noah insisting on them being only friends, the hurt behind his eyes.

"Does it... d'you mind that I do it?" he asks, forcing out the words and already readying himself for the reply, for some layer of judgment. It's nothing he's not heard before, but frankly, he's never really cared what others think. In his experience, it's only ever said out of jealousy, by people who can't manage to get laid as much for whatever reason.

But he doesn't think that'd be the case with Noah. His judgment would stem from some other force.

[iwasmore]

"In general, or like..." Noah grimaces and stops himself from continuing the question. He realizes he isn't sure if Freddie wants to date him or just go on a date. He's afraid to assume, but afraid to ask. He doesn't want to freak Freddie out, but he should know before he gets ahead of himself.

"If we were dating?"

[thisfaceismine]

Freddie swallows, his eyes still closed. His head still hurts.

"Dunno," he finally manages, opening his eyes to stare at his hand curled over Noah's knee. "Both, I guess. Never thought you really cared all that much but last night you were goin' on about us just being friends. I guess..."

He trails off, realizing he's not sure where to go with that. How to phrase it. So he shakes his head slightly, squeezing his eyes shut again. "Fuck, forget it. This hangover is shit."

[iwasmore]

"We can talk about it later if you want, but if you mean in general, no, it doesn't bother me," Noah says, veering back into the safer part of the conversation. He hadn't wanted to freak Freddie out, but he feels a little lost. He's never gone from friends with benefits to-- well he's just never even done a friends with benefits thing. If that even is what they'd been doing.

Are doing?

Noah groans inwardly. "I did care that much. I do care that much. So like, the thing is, the sex makes it...more," he fumbles to explain, both of his hands gone still.

[thisfaceismine]

Frowning still, Freddie huffs out a breath as he rolls onto his back, his head still pillowed on Noah's thigh and legs bent at the knee, his feet on the cushions as he looks up at Noah.

"More what?" he asks because he's not sure if they're talking about the sex Freddie has with Noah or the sex he's had with other people. "You either care or you don't, right? Hard to have an in-between in this context."

[iwasmore]

"It makes me care about you more. In like, a not just friends way," Noah says, anxious to have to admit it, especially with Freddie looking up at him with his pretty blue eyes. Especially when, despite being able to hear thoughts, he has no idea what Freddie wants from him. He has no idea what dating means to Freddie.

"I'll be super honest, because I'm realizing it's not doing me any good to just keep everything to myself. Last night, you...pretty much know now, anyway," he says, rubbing a hand self-consciously against his cheek. He takes a slow breath, one he doesn't need but that steadies him a little.

"I like you. I want to be more than your friend, I want a relationship with you. But I was in an open relationship already and I sucked at it, I can't do that again. So, no, I can't date you if you're sleeping with other people. If that's not what you want, then we probably shouldn't do that."

[thisfaceismine]

It's obviously not an easy thing for Noah to say and Freddie keeps his mouth shut, head tipped back to watch as he speaks, though he closes his eyes after a moment, frowning to himself.

What does he want? He can't remember the last time he was in a relationship that lasted more than a month. And nearly every relationship he's ever been has just... happened. There wasn't really any talking about it at all beyond a, 'hey, let's go out sometime' that ended in sex that just didn't stop until one or both of them got bored and moved on.

And he supposes that's what will happen this time. Either he or Noah will get bored and then they'll speak less and less until they start actively avoiding one another. And then that'll be it.

Letting out a slow breath, Freddie rubs his hands over his face. "We shouldn't then," he decides, ignoring the ache pounding in his temples as well as in his chest. "It'll just get fucked in the end, won't it? Better we stay friends."

[iwasmore]

Noah tries to follow Freddie's fatalistic line of thought until he speaks the end of it. Noah also tries not to let his heart feel like it's breaking a little, but emotions aren't something he's learned how to turn off yet. They just are.

But the reason isn't what he was expecting. He thought Freddie might say, like Krem, that he doesn't want to give up seeing other people, that he's poly or just likes to be with other people people, or he doesn't want a commitment. Or even that he doesn't want to date a ghost. Those he would understand.

But that it would get fucked?

Noah swallows past the tightness in his throat and asks, "Why would it?"

[thisfaceismine]

"Because it always does," Freddie replies, not quite a snap if only because his head hurts to much to make it one.

Still, he sits up again, putting more space between himself and Noah, perching on the edge of the sofa so he can take another sip of water. He's somehow not surprised that Noah's asked is the thing and he doesn't particularly want to go into all the ways in which he's unsuitable for any fucking relationship. He already feels like shit as it is.

He slumps after a moment, once again rubbing at the ache in his temple, eyes shut against everything.

[iwasmore]

Noah just watches Freddie sit up and move down the couch, and doesn't try to follow. "Well," he finally says, "I guess you'd know, since you've been in so many relationships with me."

Maybe he shouldn't be sarcastic. Maybe Freddie does have a point, every relationship he's ever been in has ended badly - all two of them. Mostly just the one. But Freddie's probably had more, and maybe they've turned him off on dating, but he isn't even asking Freddie for a serious relationship, not to move in and pick out curtains or whatever.

He isn't going to pretend every relationship will end in some happily ever after, but it doesn't mean they aren't worth having.

[thisfaceismine]

It's too early for sarcasm and Freddie barely manages to roll his eyes, fingers of one hand still pressed to his temple. He considers taking another drink of water, but instead just holds the glass uselessly.

"Think it's safe to say I've had a bit more experience in the area than you," he says, well aware that it's a bit of a low blow, but unable to stop the words. There is some truth in them, after all. "Everything goes to piss in the end, trust me."

And yet, even as he says it, there's still a part of him that would like to try, a part that thinks Noah might be different. What could one date hurt, at least? So long as he doesn't fuck it up like the last time.

[iwasmore]

Noah doesn't know if he has it in him to argue something like this. Freddie might have more experience, but Noah has seen other couples, and he's seen them last. His parents were still happily married the last he saw them, he doesn't think it'll go to piss for Ronan and Adam, or Gansey and Blue in the other world. He has lots of friends in relationships that seem happy. But Noah can't make Freddie believe the same things he does, or even want them.

"I'm sorry your relationships have all ended badly," he says softly, apologetic for the sarcasm a moment ago. He touches Freddie's leg with his foot, wishing he hadn't moved away. "We can just be friends, then."

[thisfaceismine]

"They don't all end badly," Freddie says, not entirely certain why he's keeping on the subject when Noah seems content to drop it. "Sometimes they just... end."

And sometimes that feels worse, thinking you're special in some small way before finding out your wrong, just drifting away little by little. Til you're little more than a ghost. Maybe that's at least something Noah can understand.

Freddie glances down at the nudge of Noah's toes before exchanging his glass of water for the coffee. Turning his head a bit, he glances back at Noah then, brow still furrowed. "Friends, but not more copping off, that what you want?"

[iwasmore]

Noah just looks at his hands, wanting to say that everything ends, eventually. That's why everything matters. But he doesn't want to get existentialist when Freddie has a hangover and he feels like his chest might break from how bad it hurts.

It's not what he wants, but it's what he has to do. If he can put up some boundaries maybe he'll stop wanting to be Freddie's boyfriend. That's all he can seem to do lately.

"Yeah," he says. He finds a smile somewhere. "I can still rub your head, help you get rid of your headache if you want."

[thisfaceismine]

It's still a strained smile, unnatural on Noah's sweet face and Freddie can't find it in himself to return it.

He takes another drink of his coffee before setting it down on the table and crashing back into the couch, shoulders slumped and stomach a mess. His head hurts slightly less than it had five minutes ago but the light in the room still feels too bright and he's still remembering way too much about the previous night.

"Christ, I hate Magnus Bane," he says, but it's not nearly the heart of it.

[iwasmore]

Freddie slumps back against the couch, but not toward him, and so he keeps his hands to himself. It's probably better that way anyhow. Noah plays with the hem of his sweatshirt sleeve, trying to think of something to fix this for Freddie, but he can't come up with anything good. He wonders how many other people are cursing Magnus this morning.

"I could haunt him if you want," he says finally, a joke more than anything, but he would.

[thisfaceismine]

Arching an eyebrow, Freddie glances over, studying Noah's face yet again.

"You serious?" he asks, though he has a feeling Noah's not. Still, just the idea is enough to make him smile if only just a bit. "What would you do?"

[iwasmore]

"Yeah," Noah says, returning Freddie's smile. It probably wouldn't, or won't work. Magnus most likely would sense his presence or something right away with his magic, or maybe he has anti-ward ghosts set up around his apartment. Magnus is the most powerful magic user he knows.

He can try, though.

"Well, there's this guy I don't like. He was basically responsible for my ex's death back in his world, so of course he showed up here. I would make myself invisible, knock stuff off his shelves, make the air super cold in his apartment, wake him up when he was trying to sleep." Noah smiles to himself, a far-off look on his face. "It was awesome."

[thisfaceismine]

Noah's face doesn't exactly light up, but his smile is certainly more genuine in that moment. Freddie listens, trying to picture sweet Noah terrorizing the guy who killed his ex and strangely finds it not all that difficult. He may be far kinder than most people Freddie's met in his life, but Freddie has the feeling that kindness doesn't extend to people he feels don't deserve it.

Which, of course, again makes Freddie wonder why he's bothered with Freddie this long.

"That's brilliant," he says with a laugh a moment later, grinning over at Noah. "Did you write on his bathroom mirror in blood? On his walls?"

[iwasmore]

Noah looks over at Freddie like he's grown a head. "What?" he asks with a laugh of disbelief. "Jesus, no. I'd have to get the blood from somewhere if I wanted to go all REDRUM on him, but even if I could that's really gross." His nose wrinkles at the thought - though, fuck, now that he's picturing it that might have been really funny to do with Bull if he could've found some fake Halloween blood or something.

"I don't mind a gentle haunting," he adds, "but I think if I got anything on Magnus' walls he'd kill me. For real. He's not one you actually want to piss off."

[thisfaceismine]

"Well, it wouldn't have to be real blood, obviously," Freddie replies, though he can see that Noah finds the idea amusing whatever the case. And maybe even tempting. Hopefully tempting. To be honest, Magnus has it coming.

"And Magnus would not kill you," he continues, giving Noah a look. "Me, yes. Pissed him off months ago and he's not let me forget it since. Not that I regret a minute of it, of course. D'you know he's my neighbour? Haunting him would be so, so easy, Noah. You know you want to."

[iwasmore]

"Wait-- first, what did you do to piss him off?" Noah asks, feeling a little lighter with the distraction of possible gossip. Freddie, even with his sharp tongue, is unfortunately no match for Magnus' powerful magic, and he wonders what Freddie could have done to piss him off.

"Secondly, stop trying to peer pressure me into haunting him. You aren't even my peer." He leans back in the chair, smirking at Freddie. "You're so old," he says, trying to hold the smirk and keep from laughing.

[thisfaceismine]

"Fuck off, I'm not!" he argues with a laugh, smacking the back of his hand against Noah's thigh before shifting forward to grab his coffee. "You died ages ago anyway, didn't you? If you'd kept on living, you'd be middle-aged by now, I reckon."

Still smirking, he sips his drink then before settling back into the couch, tucking his feet under his legs once more. "And I pissed off Magnus by flirting with his boyfriend," he continues, grinning full-out now as he recalls the memory. "And then fucking the alternate version of his boyfriend. Here, in this flat. Rather loudly."